Something happened today that I didn’t anticipate. I started wearing my insulin pump. It came in the mail, all shiny and blue, on Tuesday. I’ve been looking forward to going on the pump since I’ve been diagnosed. I clipped it on this morning so I could adjust to the feel of it before officially starting on it on Tuesday. I didn’t expect that I would feel the way I do.
I feel odd wearing the pump, maybe even slightly resentful, because my diabetes now has a visible symptom. I’m clipped to something that reminds me of it all the time. Soon it will be attached to me with all those yards of tubing.
I want the pump. Don’t get me wrong. I want the fine-tuned basal rates, the precision blousing, the flexibility. I want the built-in bolus calculators that are capable of adjusting for tiny variables that would cause my head to explode. I want tight blood sugar management.
But right now, I want all of that without the shiny blue reminder of my diabetes clipped to my waist band.
I know I will adjust. It will become a part of me and I’ll no more resent it than I resent my toenails. But I didn’t expect it would be an emotional adjustment.
I did adjust. I adjusted very quickly, in fact; when I dosed for my first meal while wearing the pump, I knew this insulin pump and I were destined to travel together for a long time. Her name is the TARDIS and she carries me through all of time and space. And delivers the insulin that keeps me alive.
If you have an insulin pump, did you feel hesitant about pumping at first? How long did it take for you to adjust to having a visible symptom of your diabetes?